Me: My toddler has sprayed his face and ingested carpet cleaner
Health care specialist: What is the brand of cleaner?
Me: it was unlabeled. I bought it in bulk and I can't remember what kind it is. I use it to treat spots on carpet.
Her: Hmmm (I think this means "LOSER!")
Me: I got it a long time ago. He couldn't have eaten much. (translated to---I promise I'm not a loser)
Her: Is there a list of ingredients?
Me: Um no, I mentioned it wasn't labelled.
Her: hmmm (double loser, maybe???)
Me: I know it's like Folex or spot shot or something like that.
Her: What is your name please?
So I tell her my name and the baby's name and age. (so she can make a proper report with CPS---just kidding) And after a bit she tells me to shower him and give him some juice in case the probable alcohol/hydrogen peroxide content of my unlabelled chemicals causes him to have a drop in blood sugar.
Baby C gets stripped and I make fresh juice in the juicer to make up for being the loser mom who let the baby drink carpet cleaner. About the time I had him all clean and Johnson baby bath smelling instead of fresh country floral scent, he poops in the tub. And not just a little. He poops a giant man size poop. He immediately starts screaming because he is afraid of the poop. And honestly, I'm not too thrilled about it either. I wanted to scream and run the other way too. But, what's a mother to do.
After I get the tub cleaned up and baby C all washed and dressed again, he manages to climb onto the bar while I move chemicals to higher cabinets until Mr. C gets home with cabinet locks. Miss J gets him down and in the process he kicks off a cereal bowl. Cereal bowl plus ceramic tile equals lots of sweeping and mopping. I clean that mess up and we go rather eventlessly through the rest of the morning as it's by now about 8:30 am. (Of course in my book, when you have bathed a baby twice, cleaned poop from the bathtub and swept up a broken cereal bowl half full of milk and corn flakes, that's eventful enough for TWO days.) At nap time however, I hear him screaming for all his might. I get into his room and realize he's done it again. Another poopy diaper. At least it wasn't the in the tub this time and to my amazement it isn't even a diaper blowout, although the smell is horrific. He is screaming "Mommmmmmyyyy!" I decided I better change him fast before he grows up with some sort of poop trauma. I change him (3rd times a charm) and rock him back to sleep. I guess all the day's events caught up with him and he just wasn't going to sleep in his crib, because every time I laid him down he popped right up crying. At that point, I just gave up. So Baby C and I snuggled up on the couch and took a much needed nap declaring it a poopy day.