Monday, January 16, 2012

So it's been a poopy day....literally

My day started off in a normal way. I was sitting at the desk, checking my menu to see what was for dinner, Mr C and Baby C were playing, Miss J was next door at Meme's and Miss A was feeding show goats. Soon (we are talking less than 5 minutes) Baby C walks up to me from the kitchen. He has a plastic spray bottle and he is just spraying himself down with carpet cleaner. I grabbed him and he giggled and tried to run away. I see that his entire shirt is wet and he has a fresh floral scent instead of baby breath. Man. He had ingested some of the cleaner. I send Mr. C for a wet wash cloth and look up poison control's phone number because of course, the handy poison control magnet that the pediatrician gave me at the last well baby appointment is no where in sight. Here's the dialog-
Me: My toddler has sprayed his face and ingested carpet cleaner
Health care specialist: What is the brand of cleaner?
Me: it was unlabeled. I bought it in bulk and I can't remember what kind it is. I use it to treat spots on carpet.
Her: Hmmm (I think this means "LOSER!")
Me: I got it a long time ago. He couldn't have eaten much. (translated to---I promise I'm not a loser)
Her: Is there a list of ingredients?
Me: Um no, I mentioned it wasn't labelled.
Her: hmmm (double loser, maybe???)
Me: I know it's like Folex or spot shot or something like that.
Her: What is your name please?
So I tell her my name and the baby's name and age. (so she can make a proper report with CPS---just kidding) And after a bit she tells me to shower him and give him some juice in case the probable alcohol/hydrogen peroxide content of my unlabelled chemicals causes him to have a drop in blood sugar.
Baby C gets stripped and I make fresh juice in the juicer to make up for being the loser mom who let the baby drink carpet cleaner. About the time I had him all clean and Johnson baby bath smelling instead of fresh country floral scent, he poops in the tub. And not just a little. He poops a giant man size poop. He immediately starts screaming because he is afraid of the poop. And honestly, I'm not too thrilled about it either. I wanted to scream and run the other way too. But, what's a mother to do.
After I get the tub cleaned up and baby C all washed and dressed again, he manages to climb onto the bar while I move chemicals to higher cabinets until Mr. C gets home with cabinet locks. Miss J gets him down and in the process he kicks off a cereal bowl. Cereal bowl plus ceramic tile equals lots of sweeping and mopping. I clean that mess up and we go rather eventlessly through the rest of the morning as it's by now about 8:30 am. (Of course in my book, when you have bathed a baby twice, cleaned poop from the bathtub and swept up a broken cereal bowl half full of milk and corn flakes, that's eventful enough for TWO days.) At nap time however, I hear him screaming for all his might. I get into his room and realize he's done it again. Another poopy diaper. At least it wasn't the in the tub this time and to my amazement it isn't even a diaper blowout, although the smell is horrific. He is screaming "Mommmmmmyyyy!" I decided I better change him fast before he grows up with some sort of poop trauma. I change him (3rd times a charm) and rock him back to sleep. I guess all the day's events caught up with him and he just wasn't going to sleep in his crib, because every time I laid him down he popped right up crying. At that point, I just gave up. So Baby C and I snuggled up on the couch and took a much needed nap declaring it a poopy day.

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